Shouldn’t we be looking out for each other, instead of down on each other?

This is something I’ve said and indeed written about many times on my page and I just feel that it is getting worse and something has to be done about it.

Let me give a few examples;

People sniggering and making clapping gestures when a horse knocks a fence 

I’ve witnessed people falling and overheard those in the vicinity make comments about how it served them right or how it will be handy that they won’t be in the jump off now.

I’ve seen derogatory comments made about how those riders who are wearing off the rack new season equestrian show jackets, as well of those who are in their loved and trusted 10 years old show jacket – both “ be a state”.  So yeah, it apparently doesn’t matter whether you wear a €500 jacket or one that cost you €50 back in the day – opinions on them seem to be equal.

I myself remember a few years ago – leaving the ring in my new Samshield helmet – that had cost a few hundred euro – but I won’t apologise for splurging money on protecting my head  and being met with a particularly nasty fellow competitor who said hushed enough to her husband, not to have others hear, but loud enough to ensure I did – about how “ There wasn’t much point in having a €500 hat on my head when I couldn’t even jump clear”.  Having been subjected to this particular woman’s acidic comments and jealousy over the years – constant derogatory comments about me and my horse, continual nasty gestures in the livery yard we were both in, to the point where she once attempted to physically attack me in a blind rage – it rolled off like water off a duck’s back – but at the end of the day – was it necessary? Did it make her feel any better? I don’t believe so and in the end I came to pity her – that she was clearly so unhappy in her own life that she had to try and make mine– along with many, many, MANY others as miserable as her.

My old dad has always had the saying – put a group of women in a room and there will always be trouble and gossip – but put a group of men in a room and they’ll have a good laugh.  

And this is never so apparent as it is in the horsey world – Seriously – think about it.. have you ever seen a group of lads stand ring side, bitching? Now – think of groups of women and there will be very few that can say they honestly haven’t witnessed it – or been part of it.  I will hold my hands up and say I have been – but I found in later life – the drama and toxicity actually overtook my pleasure of owning a horse.  As usual – the negativity grew and overshadowed the positive and prior to selling my jumper – I used arrive to shows – have brief chit chats on the go, jump my horse and leave – not having the time, energy or interest in this whole ringside slagging scene.

I mean if you break It down – we all share a hobby. We all love horses. We are women who know the struggles other women go through and what does drama and toxicity do to all involved? Including the perpetrators I might add…. It brings us down!!

The thrill of a good bitching session or living the drama is only a temporary high.  

So maybe we should all think on about how many more highs there would be where we enjoy going to shows or yards – where we all get along – instead of hiding behind wheelbarrows trying to avoid eye contact.  A world where you don’t spend your hobby wondering about what people are saying about you – or not even remember the clear round you just jumped because you were anxiously watching the crowd to see who can see you.

Remember why you do this –  your love of the horse firstly – the love of the sport secondly!

If each of us make a change – no matter how small, towards empowering and encouraging each other – instead of ripping each other down  – think of how amazing this sport will be for future generations. Let’s bring equestrianism back to the way it was in the 90s – where we all had a damn good time – drank out of winning cups and left shows with black and blue backs and thighs from all the well done thumps we’d get leaving the ring – regardless of how well or bad you did!

So next time you are subjected to someone being nasty about a fellow equestrian – walk away – tell them you don’t want to hear it – if each of us make a small change to better the equine community – we have a hope of it surviving!!