There have been a few social media posts I have seen this week about being “done”. One stood out. It was about not wanting to pretend that competing made them happy anymore. It was about preferring to go for a hack. That’s fine. What isn’t fine was the rest of it. What do I mean?

The accusations that professionals resent sharing competitions with them, the insinuation that many others pretend to be fake happy on social media, the assumption that others put pressure on them or are making comments about them and the age old “money trumps talent” argument. I think sadly more and more of these posts are done as they are popular and gather attention – bad news and sad news sells better than good news?

The reality is – if you are done with something (anything!), that’s fine but in the grand scheme of things nobody cares if you or I or any of us compete or even ride or not. No one is putting pressure on you to compete and no one is watching you in the warm up apart from trying not to get in the way. If you don’t want to compete -that’s fine, that’s your prerogative but retain some respect for those of us who do.

As for professionals, they are a different breed of rider. You want to talk about having pressure put on you? Imagine having to perform for a living and meeting expectations of owners, coaches, and team selectors. The professionals won’t even notice if you are in the ring with them, they are too busy doing their job.

The money means more than talent argument has always been around and given that most of us won’t win the lotto any time soon it’s a handy excuse to keep in your back pocket. I’d love a million euro, and I’d gladly buy myself a pricey schoolmaster, but I would still have to learn to ride it. Money doesn’t buy talent, it buys horses and training and equipment. The main ingredients of talent – hard work, education, practice and dedication aside from costing you time and effort are largely free. You could argue that had you had money from the start you might have more talent now but last I checked we can’t change the past so breaking your neck looking backwards won’t benefit anyone.

As for us amateurs – I am tired of this melancholy theme where people opt out themselves and yet use “competitive” as a dirty word. I’ll never ever apologise for being competitive and before, pardon the pun, you get on your high horse and throw the “it’s all about winning” accusation cliche – I’m competing against myself, a win is just a bonus! I compete against who I used to be, I compete against who I aspire to be. I compete because going down the centre line at A is what I enjoy. Outside the ring I push myself to set goals, achieve targets, to be better and to learn more because I want to. I don’t and won’t sugarcoat anything on social media because I believe in showing the reality of life with horses. I work seven days a week to afford my horses and my training. 

Our sport is tough and every one of us will have setbacks and it’s up to us how we manage them. In the past I’ve been guilty of all the usual mistakes – judge bashing, being envious of better competitors, feeling stuck in a rut, paying too much attention to others, feeling like I wasn’t getting better. Even in my youth, I was naïve enough to think I just needed money or a good horse to be successful. I achieved a good dressage result last week on a horse who loves to jump but currently can’t for the past few years due to a breathing issue – we met a problem and changed discipline as I wasn’t done and neither was he. A friend placed highly at the national dressage championships on an eventer she was advised to retire in March. We all meet road blocks but we try to find a way around.

If you don’t enjoy something, I’ll never blame you for being done with that – after all it’s up to each of us to find what sets our soul on fire in life. We own our own happiness. I was done a few years ago with show jumping competitions and eventing. However, what sets my soul alight is training on the flat and over fences, competing dressage and is coaching. So I do that while respecting those who still do what I was done with.

On the subject of being “done” I also I flat out refuse to subscribe to the idea that anyone over 25 and not at Olympic level should just go and die quietly in a corner.

There are so so many of us who didn’t have the access to the horses / trainers / time / support we needed when we were younger and we are so not done in fact we are just getting started. The other night I watched a friend and client who started riding late in life. Five years ago she was so nervous she dreaded getting on – this week she jumped over a very decent sized fence with no reins! The look of pure freedom and elation on her face made my week. Another lady who doesn’t normally jump managed her first course in years. A girl whose horse was very sick a year ago was beaming as she cleared a challenging fence. No one was competing, but they were training, they were enjoying each other’s company and they were doing what they love. These riders were challenging their own balance, believes and abilities and surprising themselves.

If something no longer makes you happy, find something that does. Look inward with love not outward with anger. It’s fine to be done at something – get started at something else. Leave others in turn to do what they love.

Life is never easy, and horses have always been my happy place. No matter how hard I ever had to work or what life threw at me horses were always what kept me going. My desk at work is surrounded by photos of happy times with friends and horses and it reminds me to look up and to remember what I work for. My favourite moment this week was sweating in a lesson working hard to do something that challenged myself and the horse. When we finally managed the tiny achievement of a couple of proper collected strides, I grinned and looked up at a coach who was grinning back. Those few seconds make weeks of work worthwhile. It’s the feeling of working towards something more. It’s the feeling of knowing there is more to come.

My clients, friends and I – we go to shows to enjoy each other’s company and challenge ourselves. We push ourselves to do more. We support each other. We are still learning.

We are NOT done.

When I’m lying in the gutter as we all are sometimes I remind myself to turn over and look at the stars. When I’m grey and old you will have to pry me off my horse as I’ll still be up there, trying to be better than I was yesterday.

I Am NOT done!!