It’s the dream of everyone right? To leave with a lovely frilly from nearly every show you enter. To have a collection of rugs from the leagues you consistently win. Your horse’s points increasing on a weekly basis and you are known as the “one to beat”. 

But – amazingly- if you are THAT person – it can be almost crippling – because the level of pressure that is on you to continue on that winning streak, can actually overwhelm you. The disappointment that overcomes you when you do knock a pole, can be debilitating. And how do I know? Because I was that person.

Briefly – when I first moved into horses competitively – I was spoiled with the most amazing mare – not an easy ride, but a horse that had a desire to win. Her speed and accuracy become known on the circuit – we’d be receptive to eye rolls when we drove into a showground because she was the horse to beat. A careful and brave jumper, she set me on the page to winning regularly – weekly – her name adorned cups, she was as consistent as could be until a field injury forced her into early retirement and I sought out my next horse. I bought her young, a chestnut thoroughbred that I helped break and had formed a bond with – again taking me to the top of league wins over the years and then when I bought after that – the same thing, with my horse winning every league we entered, country wide. Was it luck? Of course – but it was also a lot of hard work, taking my time to allow these horses develop and enjoy their work. Was it unreal? Of course it was – until I started getting bitchy comments about how I only bought “push button horses”.  “Horses that any fool could ride they’re so programmed”. Now – had I not bought all unbroken horses which I produced myself – that might have been true – so those comments, I was able to shrug off. But what wasn’t as easily shrugged was the rare occasion when we would have a pole down. The comments of “oh god – what happened there? He’s normally so consistent” or “ is your horse ok?” – or the “oh Jesus – YOU had a fence down? Hell must have frozen over” and whilst most people were just making comment on it with absolutely no malice meant – It was hard.. I would dread walking out to the pocket to the shocked comments.  I would leave with my heart in my boots – upset for my horses, because I’d feel I’d let them down – worried in case there was an underlying issue and it started to be where even though having a pole down would be rare, when it did happen, I would be affected for the whole weekend- going over it in my mind, obsessing over what went wrong and just feeling like a huge failure for bringing this attention to my horses. I know that so many of us blame ourselves when our horses knock, or don’t perform, but I was taking this to a whole other level, bordering on obsessed with guilt for drawing this attention to my horse.  Whilst this didn’t bother me too much in my 20s, as I got older, it grew and I felt more paranoid.

This might shock some people reading this.. to think that someone who has been lucky to have had the horses and success in the ring such as I did, could feel this way – but I am certain I am not alone with these thoughts. After interviewing Helen O’Hanlon, Personal Development Coach at the Grassroots Rider Academy, even though I am not currently competing, I found myself drinking in her words – as to how our mindset can affect our entire ability. As I sat there, I wished so desperately I had known about her services years ago, because I felt that she would have helped me to get out of this fear of failure I was in, letting the 90% of great times overshadow the 10% of not so good days, even though I know, better than anyone, that horses knock, riders have off days and it’s perfectly fine.

So here – I hand you over to Helen for her thoughts on how riders, who are lucky enough to have amazing horses who keep them at the top of their game, can cope with negativity or disappointment.

Helen – I know to a lot of people reading this, it must sound ridiculous. That someone who has had great success with horses, could feel this way – over something as seemingly stupid as 4 faults, even though I am more than aware of this being part of competing! Can you shed light on why I used take it so personally?

Pressure exists at all stages of a sporting career, when you are starting out there is pressure to make a name for yourself, to progress & succeed, when you are a success there is the pressure to stay successful. When we become successful there is often a sense that we should look like we have it all together. In a self-imposed way we can often discuss our fears & anxieties to a lesser extent as we progress & become more successful. This also stands to reason in that we don’t want our competitors to know our flaws, worries, concerns etc., that’s where coaching is very useful in that you can discuss the multifaceted elements of competing, horse ownership, running an equine business etc. in a safe & confidential environment.

We tend to take things personally when the subject matter is important to us, when we compete, we want to do well, do right by our horses & try to reach our potential. Equestrians tend to be very hardworking & give it their all. When we feel deflated, we need to do a quick ‘Perfection Audit’, being successful is not about being perfect, perfectionism is a fictious state that doesn’t exist. Striving for perfectionism also pours petrol on the fire of black & white thinking which can really hamper our progress. When we think in black & white, we are dealing in absolutes, ‘I am a success’, ‘I am a total Failure’, ‘I will never be able to achieve this again’. Absolutes are unhelpful because life doesn’t happen in absolutes. Instead, I work on what I call ‘Grey Area Thinking’ where we try to view situations from a middle-ground, where success & areas for improvement co-exist. This shift in thinking is truly life changing.

The pressure of competing never goes away, pressure is not a dirty word it serves a purpose. Pressure helps us to realise the highest version of ourselves. The good news is that we can learn to manage pressure & use it to our advantage. Afterall we are engaging with a live animal, a sentient being with its own thoughts & opinions it makes sense that we would encounter some psychological challenges along the way, this is completely normal.

Have you come across others that feel this way in your career? Is it more common than people might think?

It certainly is commonplace & feeling the pressure of success is something that I encounter on a regular basis in my coaching work. We often tend to think that everyone else has it all figured out & we are the only ones that don’t. I can assure you that this is most certainly not the case.

A life with horses has quite a width & breath to it. Everyone encounters challenges, their challenges may be different to your challenges & crop up at different stages, but as Brene Brown says ‘Nobody rides for free’, we will all encounter adversity at some juncture in our equestrian lives, in fact it’s one of the few certainties we can bank on. I work with clients on mindset, skillset & bodily awareness so they can support themselves when these challenges come about.

As horse owners – we are insanely protective of our horses and anyone saying something about them, can hurt or offend us – my dad would always say – sure who cares – the horse doesn’t know – but I know people’s thoughts on our horses can put a mindset into self-destruct. Can you shed your expertise on this?

We are social beings & we are hard wired to seek membership & approval of groups that we find ourselves a part of. Being part of a group can be helpful & supportive, but it can also be challenging when we feel the clutches of criticism coming our way. When success looms, we can fear losing friends, support, favor etc., this can influence our behaviour both consciously & unconsciously. I live by the belief that good friends will stay with you through thick & thin, if we lose people along the way that can undoubtedly be painful, but my belief is that the truly good people keep rolling with us as we rise & fall on our journey.

What advice would you give someone who suffers from issues like I’ve described?

When you feel uncomfortable in some way there is also an opportunity, an opportunity to root around & find what lies beneath. The advantage to the digging is that you gain greater awareness & awareness gives you an opportunity to change or keep what you find.

One strategy to help when feeling stuck is;

Fact or Fiction

This strategy is based on the premise that not everything we think is true. When we compare ourselves to others, which we must do to a certain extent as competitors, we sometimes get carried away with false narratives about what is holding us back or hampering our progress. By labelling our thoughts as facts or fictions it helps to bring greater doses of reality to the fore. This helps us to move from a fixed mindset where we are stuck & change is not possible, to a growth mindset where change is possible with hard work & engaging an empowered mindset.