Stress is defined as a state of mental or emotional strain caused by adverse circumstances. At one point or another, most people deal with feelings of stress.  

Can we avoid stress?  I don’t really think that is possible – but we can take control of and decide just how much we are going to allow it impact on our lives.

This time 16 months ago – I was drowning in stress.  It was overtaking my mind and indeed body in ways that I’d never experienced.  Allow me to briefly summarise.  I was in a long term relationship that I was no longer happy in – we had just outgrown each other – shit happens. I was in chronic pain due to the peri-menopause and I was battling with myself in trying to force myself not to make a decision that I knew had to be done due to this pain – which was sell my horse.  And on top of this – I was still grieving the death of my mother.

I guess for me – I was lucky to never really had many stressful situations in life prior to this time.. I’d made it to my early 40s before I really experienced it – lucky compared to so many others. I’d seen my niece go through incredible stress around the time of her leaving cert and I think because it was an alien concept to me – never really having experienced it – I wasn’t someone that could really offer – I won’t say compassion – but an understanding… a relatability.

The death of my  mother in 2019 started the whole vicious circle – the hardest part was watching my dad try and cope with life without his partner of 65 years. This in turn, made me look at my own relationship and start seeing things I’d always known were there, but just pushed aside. We had been inseparably happy for a long time – but over the years, particularly near the end, I changed as a person.  I grew as a person and I realised to continue a relationship I – and indeed him were not happy in – was not ok.  The pain I had in my back due to oestrogen levels dropping through my perimenopause, was nothing compared to the guilt I felt every time I saw my horse – knowing that I just couldn’t keep going due to the pain.  That he was never going to last as a field ornament as he actually preferred being in!  He was in the prime of his life – a horse with so much to give – and my heart hurt unbearably at the thought of letting him go.

My sleep pattern was the first to go – as soon as I’d close my eyes – visions of all my problems flashed before me.  I was surviving on just a few hours a week.  Weight started dropping off me – at the time, I didn’t know, but stress does that. I’d always been blessed with really nice skin – but suddenly I was covered in acne. These resulted in me being irritable and snappy.  Still oblivious to the fact it was a huge culmination of stress – I eventually went to the doctor.

I guess the first thing that helped was her prescribing me things to help manage the peri-menopause.  It didn’t eliminate, but it made the pain more manageable.  Which was the first part of stress minimized.  It gave me the clarity to find the strength to end the relationship. It was a hard conversation but once it was done – I could breathe.  Air filled my lungs. There was a weight lifted.  This in turn gave me the clarity I needed to have a very real discussion with myself on the needs for both me and my horse.  I focused on finding him a wonderful home with a family that would always keep me updated as to how he was doing and whilst it absolutely killed me – I let him go.

I think this is when I really had the time to sit back and reflect.  To understand how stress works.  We all know we’re under pressure with things – or that we might not be happy – that we have issues or deadlines that need addressing but it’s just a typical thing to do – is “put it on the long finger”.  But is there a limit on how long before your health suffers? Before your mental anguish can’t hold it together anymore? Yes. We are humans – in fact, more than that, we are equestrians – which I firmly believe is a breed of super humans – we power on through pain.  We laugh in the face of dismal weather conditions.  We summon extraordinary strength when needed and we often defy our own body limits.  But stress is a more powerful force.  If allowed, it will consume your whole being. It can force you down. Overwhelm your body and mind and whilst I can now sit here – in one of the healthiest and happiest places I’ve been in for the last year – this time last year – it was a very different story.

So if you are reading this – resonating with what I’m saying.  Thinking I know that feeling – then chances are – you are in a stressful situation- then for Christ sake – take action.

Make a list of what your issues are – can you resolve them yourself or do you need to seek assistance?  Even talking to someone can take a huge weight off – I am so so lucky to have some of the most amazing understanding friends and family – who even if I didn’t have anything to say – their support meant the world. Even now – I still hear them say that I’m a different person – that I’m back to the old me – however old that is – I don’t know – but I feel it.  

Shaking off stress gives you a new life.  A love of life.  I have done more in the last year than I have in years!  I did a college course – passing with distinction.  I got back to meeting up with friends more regularly – spending time with my family like I’d not done in ages.  I started going to shows with my minis – on my own – and really enjoying it -I had become so co-dependant on my ex, that I forgot I had gone to shows alone for decades before meeting him – so finding that independence was amazing.  I’m now a regular writer for the Grassroots Gazette – and I did something that I NEVER thought I’d do over Christmas – I walked into a café and sat down by myself with a latte whilst I waited on my friend to come.  I’m sure some of you might think that’s not a big deal – but to me, it was huge.  Stress made me actually realise that I can overcome anything – that I beat this awful – condition – or anguish – whatever you want to call it.

I actually researched into this change in me and would you believe – it’s actually been proven that Manageable stress increases alertness and performance. And by encouraging the growth of stem cells that become brain cells, stress improves memory. The increase in stem cells and neuron generation makes sense from an adaptive point of view.So if you are sitting there, feeling like you’re looking down the barrel of a gun – shake it off. It’s YOUR life – YOU dictate where it’s going and now, more than ever – help is available! Mental anguish is no longer a taboo subject. It’s not a “problem”, it’s a fact and we all go through it – so normalise the fact stress is part of life – in fact embrace it.