And there I was, holding Morgan in my arms who was only a couple of hours old, asking the doctor when I would be able to ride again. I never expected an emergency c section, but there I was and it changed all my plans. The doctor then told me that it usually takes six weeks to heal, but never said that he was only talking about the scar. 

Now I am sitting here, 14 months later – still healing. 

And I am not only talking about myself physically.

However, six weeks after having Morgan, I went to my GP appointment, hoping to get the “official go”. She told me then, that it takes more time for all to get back in place. She explained everything. I am still not sure if I wanted all that information. Yikes!

To be honest I never thought it would be so hard to get back into the saddle – and I am not only talking about the riding aspect.

It is definitely easier to find the holy grail than to find MOJO. 

What is mojo you ask? 

It’s this feeling – hard to describe. A bit of being and doing things carefree and just living in the moment and going with the flow. 

Naive I was, thinking everything would be like before being pregnant and having a baby. Well, let me tell you something – it wasn’t. 

My self-confidence was gone, I was not as brave as I used to be and I was always worrying about what could happen if I would fall off the horse. Who would take care of my child?

And there it went – my mojo.

So what did I do? 

I started working at a sales stable. Not my best idea. The first horse I was riding was a gorgeous grey 16hh mare, who bucked me off three times in a row. I finished the session, grabbed my stuff and went home. Sadly this experience had a major impact on my way of riding my own horse. 

It took me a while to trust Mo, him being that horse that never spooked or rared or bolted on me before. Never. I was upset and wanted to give up.

Luckily I had people around me who joined to find my mojo. 

There was a lot of support from different people for different disciplines. I had good sessions with Mo but I also brought him away to the bog, the beach or into the field for a hack and took it easy. Also, I started listening to a podcast called “we can hustle” by Shelby Olyschlager, a barrel racer who talks a lot about mindset. 

I am not back to normal yet, but we are getting there.

And you should remember:

• Don’t worry about opening up and talking about whatever is holding you back. 
• Set yourself small goals you can achieve.
• Do not put yourself under pressure only because so and so is doing it.

This one is especially for new mummies! 

• Only because someone gets back on the horse straight after having a baby does not mean you have to feel like doing the same. Everybody’s body recovers differently and every mind works differently too. Give yourself as much time as you need. Do not compare yourself with Instagram Horse Karens AND! make horse time your “Me time”. You grew a human inside your belly. Your body did a damn good job. YOU ARE DOING A GOOD JOB AND YOU ALWAYS DO THE RIGHT THING. YOU KNOW BEST!